I have had many playdates that were not enjoyable. Unfortunately, I have been the mom who meets other moms at a park for a playdate only to have my child want to play far away from everyone else, and insist on mom staying close by. Then I get to watch all other moms hang out at the other end of the park. Fun, right? Playdates with introverted children, such as mine are, can be challenging. As a mom, it can feel like you’re doing everything wrong when your shy child refuses to play with other children. What I have learned is that my children, most of whom are introverted, are capable of making friends and playing well with other children, but it takes some thinking and some strategizing to make it happen. Here is what I have learned about having playdates with introverted children.
Consistency
Find someone who is willing to meet up regularly. I used to do random playdates with friends here and there. My children would kind of remember the other children, but they spent most of time warming up. The next time we saw them, we had to spent the whole time warming up all over again. What I found was consistently meeting with one mom and her kids made a big difference. After a few playdates, the warm up period slowly shortened, and the kids were playing.
I like to tell people that I am a crockpot set on low. Sometimes I take a long time to warm up to people, and so do my kids. Everyone I see seems to be an instapot. They just jump right into the fun and have a blast. However, I know there are other crockpots out there. It’s not wrong to have a slow warm up time, but it can confuse others, especially the instapots. They sometimes think something is wrong with you, and they might form an incorrect opinion.
Keep it Small (Don’t do a big group playdate)
Playdates with introverted children should ideally be small. Don’t invite ten families to your house with their children and expect your introverted child to have a blast. I think our culture values having large groups of friends, but not everyone needs ten good friends. It’s okay to keep your social circle small for the time being. Children grow and change. They won’t always be overwhelmed by lots of kids, but if they are, then start at the beginning – invite one mom and her kids over. What I like is that my children have learned how to play with others by playing well with one other child. I also like that I get to know another mom by spending time talking with her one-on-one.
Also, a little side note here, lots of stay-at-home moms would probably like to be invited over to another mom’s house. Sometimes being a mom is a lonely job. A small gesture like that can make someone else very happy.
Invite Someone to Your House
Personally, I usually choose to not meet at a park unless your child is comfortable with the other child. The reason why is because I have seen my children feel uncomfortable in new environments, such as a park, and then they feel unsure about a new kid they are being told to run around and play with. To a crockpot, that is just ridiculous. I would suggest inviting a mom to your house. An introverted child is more comfortable and will act more like themselves in their home. My best playdates are at my house. I don’t clean my house before other moms come over, although it usually is tidy (I’m German. I can’t help it). I just offer coffee or tea, and we talk. I enjoy the parks too, but I have noticed that my children play and interact more with their friends when they meet at our house.
Don’t be embarrassed
And if a playdate falls flat, don’t worry about it. It happens. Good friends are a wonderful treasure in this life, but it takes time to build those friendships, especially for those little introverted crockpots. They will make friends. It might take a bit longer than you hoped for. You have to be patient because you can’t hurry growth in children.