Many years ago, I signed up to make a meal for a family at church when my first son was a baby. It seemed like a big deal. I had a baby, AND I was making a meal for someone else. Most likely, I made everything from scratch too, which explains why everything took a while. I thought that was a lot of time. These days, I homeschool, manage the house and chores, run errands, and somedays, yes, I can squeeze in a meal for a family or small group (it’s not all made from scratch). How did I go from being stressed by one meal with less on my plate as a mom to having more on my plate and not being stressed by making a meal for someone else? I think the reason is because over time as my responsibilities increased, so did my capacity to handle everything. I was slowly growing as a mom.
Looking at Older Moms
When I had my first son, I used to see other moms juggle so many different things. On top of that, they made mothering look really easy. I always wondered how they did everything. They made meals, homeschooled, had chickens, milked cows (maybe not, I don’t really know), brought big crockpots to church for potlucks, and some even worked on the side, or full-time. My first son had a tongue tie. It took two months to get him breastfeeding. For a while I could barely feed my baby, and yet I saw older moms twirling around with every domestic skill and mothering know-how.
What I was doing was looking at women who had far more experience and practice than me in mothering and assuming that they have always been that way. They were never anything less than that…ever. It never occurred to me that they too may have been an inexperienced mother who had to figure out how take care of their first baby.
Growing in Capacity with New Responsibilities
A baby grows so much during his or her first year. Everyone comments and says how big he or she has grown. However, in a different way, every mom is also growing during that first year of caring for her baby. You just can’t always see the growth. I remember googling every baby question I had. I knew very little about babies before having my own. After my son’s first year, I certainly learned a lot and had grown as a mom.
Over the years, I continue to see growth in myself as mother. Often times the growth comes when my responsibilities increase. In other words, when God increases my responsibilities, he gives me the grace to handle what I am responsible for. When I had three kids, I didn’t have to worry about how to care for four kids because that wasn’t what I had at the time. When I did have my fourth, then I slowly figured it all out. And honestly, the fourth was the easiest baby to add to the family.
The reason why I looked at older women and marveled at their capabilities was because they grew in capacity as God gave them more children and more work. Over time, I have grown in my capacity as well. It’s one step each day and simply doing my best. There’s no need to fret about the future.
Growing in Prioritizing
I think it’s also helpful to acknowledge that as I had more children, I stopped doing some hobbies or routines in order to do something that was more important. For example, before I started homeschooling, we took morning walks. I miss doing that, but it would be a lot of work now to get four kids out the door for a walk in the morning. Even though my capacity to do what is needed has increased, there’s also a need to step back and recognize that I can’t fit everything in that I want to do. I have learned to prioritize what’s most needed and if the other things fit in somewhere else, then that’s great. Since the morning walks are hard, we sometimes do a before dinner walk. It’s not every day, but it sometimes happens.
Growing in Character
Some circumstances have required me to grow more quickly – like bringing home a new baby. There’s no option but to asses what’s working and what’s not working, readjust and figure out how to take care of everyone. It’s nice when family and friends help out at first, of course. But eventually, every mom does have to find a way to balance all that she has to do each day.
Other times, like growing as a mom in character and becoming patient and flexible, takes years. I sometimes wish I could go back in time when I had my first son and be the more relaxed mom that I am now. I used to work so hard to keep a consistent nap and feeding schedule for my first son. With my fourth baby, I try my best to be home when I know he needs a nap, but sometimes it doesn’t work out. Some days a car nap is all he might get for the afternoon. He’ll probably be a little fussy, but that’s not a big deal. It means he needs an early bedtime. I’m okay with that. However, I wasn’t like that with my first. It took me a long time to become more relaxed as a mom.
Kids Grow and Mature
The cool thing about being a mom is watching my kids grow up. One reason why I can do more things now is because my kids can do more for themselves. Sometimes the toddler/preschooler stage can seem to last a long time because some little kids require a lot of attention and help. Imagining yourself with two or three more kids during that intense season can seem crazy. But, before you know it, those preschoolers and toddlers are big kids. Having another baby doesn’t seem so crazy once you realize how quickly kids grow up.
Last Thoughts
I can throw a crockpot meal together in a few minutes, but I couldn’t do that ten years ago. Growing in skills set, character, and capacity is part of being a mom. I didn’t really think too much about myself growing as a mom in those early years. I was so busy in the thick of it during those early years, that I didn’t really notice how I was learning and changing. Until later!
Carly from DesertHomeschoolDays
