Starting a Playgroup
I will start by saying that I am an introvert, and I do not always enjoy large amounts of small talk. What I do enjoy is knowing someone really well and spending time with that person. When I first became a mom, I was lonely. I wanted to stay home with my son (and I’m very glad I did), but being at home with a baby can be hard since there’s no one else with whom to talk. My mom friends all went back to work after their maternity leave was finished. I also had a close friend that was single, so obviously she worked. I am, and was at the time, also very close to my sisters, mom, and mother-in-law. But I didn’t have any stay-at-home mom friends. Little did I know in the coming years that I would be up for starting a playgroup. Nope, Not MOPS Naturally, I joined a MOPS group. The people there were nice, but I never really made any friends. I didn’t return the following year. At church, I had tried doing some playdates with other moms, but they were either busy or their kids were older than mine. I spent a good year or two keeping to myself. Then covid hit…and I made a bunch of new mom friends. That’s probably not what you would expect, but let me explain. Covid Lockdown When covid came, everything shut down. My BSF study stopped, Sunday school for kids stopped, and story time at the library stopped. Then summer came and even the splash pads were closed! There was literally nowhere to go with kids, and it was over 100 degrees. My two boys had no one to play with, which didn’t bother them because they are introverts like me. They loved the lockdown, but I wanted them to have friends. What I wanted was a mom at church who would be up for starting a playgroup by opening up her house once a week. If she could make banana bread, I thought that would be amazing. I prayed that someone would do that for me. However, no one did. I thought maybe I would have to be the person. I thought and prayed for about a month. By the end of a month, I was sure I should consider starting a playgroup. Here were my reasons. Starting a Playgroup So, I decided to start a playgroup. One Sunday after church, I asked a mom if she would be interested in getting together once a week and starting a playgroup for our kids. She very quickly said yes. Her daughter loves playing with other kids. Then I bumped into another mom and asked her the same thing. She also said yes. I would also like to add that these were not complete strangers. I regularly talked with them at church and sometimes did get together, but it wasn’t on a regular basis. After a week or two, I had a group of four other moms that wanted to come over. I would send a text message to everyone early in the week and invite them over, and they would respond. Sometimes I would plan an activity to do with the kids. At first, only one mom came for a few weeks, but then the other moms slowly began to come too. Before I knew it, I had a group of mom friends. I remember being confused why they all kept coming back each week. I usually have one or two friends – not four! At the beginning, we had seven kids total. By the end we had thirteen kids. I concluded that God was being kind and giving me friends. There was once day when I sitting on the rug next to one of the moms. Our kids were all playing and she looked at me and said, “You know, these carefree playgroup days are only here for a short time.” She was right. I still get together with some of them, but it’s harder now that our kids are either homeschooled or going to school. Last Thoughts It was kind of scary to ask moms if they wanted to do a playgroup because I hadn’t had great success with playgroups prior to that. I didn’t enjoy them and I was actually terrible at talking with other moms. I have improved quite a bit….thank goodness. What I liked about the mom group was that it encouraging to be with other moms. I know everyone needs encouragement, but stay-at-home moms are sometimes the last to get any because no one sees the hard work that goes into teaching and training children. It’s not like a career where there’s recognition for hard work. Even though I know the Lord sees everything I do, it’s still great to spend time with moms and build friendships that are encouraging. It makes motherhood even more special, and I know I will look back on good old days with fondness. Has anyone else out there started a playgroup?
Homeschooling with a Crawling Baby
My fourth baby recently turned one, and these days, he is crawling from one end of the house to other in record time. Homeschooling was easier when he slept a ton and was either on his tummy for tummy time, the baby wrap, or his bouncer. He just stayed where I put him. Amazing! But things are not quite the same anymore. I like every stage my kids go through, but I will admit that homeschooling with a crawling baby is a bit harder now that he can grab and dump just about anything in sight. How does homeschooling with a crawling baby work? Homeschooling During Nap Time If you ask anyone for advice on how to homeschool with a crawling baby, chances are they will say something like, “Homeschool when the baby naps.” By the way, you should also do laundry, clean the house, cook dinner, meal plan, rest and read, and plan school while the baby naps. So basically, my baby needs to nap all day long. Personally, I like to homeschool my kids when my baby naps. I could do other things when he naps, but the reason why I choose to do school during that time is because homeschooling is my priority. The less distractions my boys have, the better. I have learned to do other chores with a baby at my side. I can cook dinner and be interrupted a bunch of times, but it doesn’t really impact everyone in any way, except that dinner might be late. Lessons that was interrupted are less effective. I use All About Spelling for phonics instruction. It’s well-known for using letter tiles on a white board. I could use an ipad with the letter tiles, but I prefer the kinesthetic experience for my kids. My baby also really likes the board and crawls as fast as he can to that board when it’s out (we hide it behind a couch) and messes up all the tiles in the blink of an eye. It’s bothersome all right. My point is that some things are easier with a mobile baby, like reading aloud during a snack or doing math outside while the baby craws around on the grass, while other things are harder like phonics. I have learned to do the things that are harder while he naps. Doing School Outside Of course, babies don’t always nap when they are suppose to. Nor do they always nap for as long as they need. Often times, my baby is right beside us at some point of our homeschooling. Doing school outside is very helpful with a crawling baby. I put him on the grass with some toys while I do school with my boys at the picnic table close by. Not only does the baby get to play outside and get all dirty (Kids need to get dirty), but he also gets some vitamin D. Eating During Read Alouds Most days we do a snack while I do a read aloud from our nature study or our geography studies (Around the World with Picture Books by Beautiful Feet). We also read poetry and listen to a song during this time. My baby sits in his highchair and eats with us. The food keeps him quiet, most of the time, so I can read. Wearing the Baby Sometimes wearing my baby is helpful during the window of time when he’s getting tired, but isn’t tired enough for a nap. It’s also nice to wear him so he gets more snuggles, but more importantly, it keeps him from grabbing things when I am teaching. I wear him on my back a lot. Being Mindful of Storage When my daughter was crawling, she found my All About Spelling boxes and dumped out multiple boxes all over the floor. If you aren’t familiar with All About Spelling, the cards are numbered 1-200 and are stored in order in a small box. It was a mess, and it took a long time to clean up and organize everything. After that, I learned not to store school materials like that within reach. The things that are within reach are things he can play with. It makes life less stressful. Being Flexible Really, all my baby wants is be near everyone. Most of the time he’s happy dumping out play food from the kitchen set, or eating cracker crumbs off the floor. Everything usually gets done, but if my baby needs more attention from me, it’s okay say I’m done with school. I don’t consider it being defeated, but rather since I am responsible to care for all my kids, if his needs are more intense one day, then I need to adjust. Last Thoughts What I am not saying is that homeschooling with a crawling baby is a breeze. A lot of the time it’s fine, but some days are hard. Sometimes there are hard moments where he’s fussy and loud, but then everything calms down. It’s helpful to think about it as a hard moment instead of hard day. Reframing it this way helps me enjoy the rest of my day. Carly from DesertHomeschoolDays.com
Homeschooling with a Baby
A week or two before I had my fourth baby, I had a fleeting thought – How am I going to homeschool with a baby? Some you of might wonder why I didn’t think of this sooner. I had nine months to think and plan, right? I have learned that sometimes over-planning is a waste of time. I decided not to really think about it a whole lot. It seemed better to figure it out after the baby was born. Fortunately, I had a few ideas that I thought would help. It turned out that homeschooling with a baby was easier than I thought. Tongue Tie & Feeding I didn’t start doing school until my baby was feeding normally. Most of my babies had tongue ties. With my first baby, the tongue tie experience was very overwhelming. The third baby (My second born son didn’t have a tongue tie), it was a little bit better. By the time my fourth baby had his tongue tie, it was hard, but it was not anything I couldn’t handle. He had his tongue released and started breastfeeding just fine. I was very thankful that life could move on. After all numerous the doctor appointments were done with, then we started school. Starting School Again I got some interesting advice after I had my fourth – Take six months off or jump right back into everyday things. There are many ways to approach homeschooling after a baby is born. My kids are small, so I need to be there directing them to some degree. They do well when there’s some sort of routine to the day. When there’s no structure, then that’s when more problems occur. For me, doing a little bit of school after a week after having the baby or so worked well. It wasn’t a lot, but we did enough to feel like we had some structure. Also, newborn babies sleep a ton. They love to be snuggled in a baby wrap and sleep for hours close to mom. As long as I had a descent amount of sleep and coffee, then I felt ready to slowly ease back into normal everyday life. Also, some things don’t stop after you have birthed a baby – co-op classes, sports, and church. In some way, it’s good to keep the normalness of life going. How to Balance School with a Baby Personally, I loved having a newborn and homeschooling. Here are some things that I did that worked with homeschooling and a baby. Final Thoughts My kids all loved having a baby brother. Today a family with four kids seems like a lot, but it doesn’t seem like a lot when you’re in the middle of all the wonderful craziness. I think it might be easy for some to see a baby as getting in the way of homeschooling, but having a baby made us love being at home together even more. It didn’t hurt anyone’s schooling. In fact, a new baby has always forced my older kids to become more independent. Sometimes people ask how I homeschool with a baby. It seems like they think my children sit in complete silence while doing workbook after workbook all morning. In that case, the baby better not make a peep! They probably aren’t imagining all the read alouds and snuggles. Homeschooling can work in so many different circumstances, and a baby always has a place in a homeschool home. Homeschooling with a baby is easy (although it might depend on whether you have an easy baby or not). Homeschooling with a crawling baby…that’s more of a challenge. I will write about that another day. From Carly at DesertHomeschoolDays
Growing as a Mom
Many years ago, I signed up to make a meal for a family at church when my first son was a baby. It seemed like a big deal. I had a baby, AND I was making a meal for someone else. Most likely, I made everything from scratch too, which explains why everything took a while. I thought that was a lot of time. These days, I homeschool, manage the house and chores, run errands, and somedays, yes, I can squeeze in a meal for a family or small group (it’s not all made from scratch). How did I go from being stressed by one meal with less on my plate as a mom to having more on my plate and not being stressed by making a meal for someone else? I think the reason is because over time as my responsibilities increased, so did my capacity to handle everything. I was slowly growing as a mom. Looking at Older Moms When I had my first son, I used to see other moms juggle so many different things. On top of that, they made mothering look really easy. I always wondered how they did everything. They made meals, homeschooled, had chickens, milked cows (maybe not, I don’t really know), brought big crockpots to church for potlucks, and some even worked on the side, or full-time. My first son had a tongue tie. It took two months to get him breastfeeding. For a while I could barely feed my baby, and yet I saw older moms twirling around with every domestic skill and mothering know-how. What I was doing was looking at women who had far more experience and practice than me in mothering and assuming that they have always been that way. They were never anything less than that…ever. It never occurred to me that they too may have been an inexperienced mother who had to figure out how take care of their first baby. Growing in Capacity with New Responsibilities A baby grows so much during his or her first year. Everyone comments and says how big he or she has grown. However, in a different way, every mom is also growing during that first year of caring for her baby. You just can’t always see the growth. I remember googling every baby question I had. I knew very little about babies before having my own. After my son’s first year, I certainly learned a lot and had grown as a mom. Over the years, I continue to see growth in myself as mother. Often times the growth comes when my responsibilities increase. In other words, when God increases my responsibilities, he gives me the grace to handle what I am responsible for. When I had three kids, I didn’t have to worry about how to care for four kids because that wasn’t what I had at the time. When I did have my fourth, then I slowly figured it all out. And honestly, the fourth was the easiest baby to add to the family. The reason why I looked at older women and marveled at their capabilities was because they grew in capacity as God gave them more children and more work. Over time, I have grown in my capacity as well. It’s one step each day and simply doing my best. There’s no need to fret about the future. Growing in Prioritizing I think it’s also helpful to acknowledge that as I had more children, I stopped doing some hobbies or routines in order to do something that was more important. For example, before I started homeschooling, we took morning walks. I miss doing that, but it would be a lot of work now to get four kids out the door for a walk in the morning. Even though my capacity to do what is needed has increased, there’s also a need to step back and recognize that I can’t fit everything in that I want to do. I have learned to prioritize what’s most needed and if the other things fit in somewhere else, then that’s great. Since the morning walks are hard, we sometimes do a before dinner walk. It’s not every day, but it sometimes happens. Growing in Character Some circumstances have required me to grow more quickly – like bringing home a new baby. There’s no option but to asses what’s working and what’s not working, readjust and figure out how to take care of everyone. It’s nice when family and friends help out at first, of course. But eventually, every mom does have to find a way to balance all that she has to do each day. Other times, like growing as a mom in character and becoming patient and flexible, takes years. I sometimes wish I could go back in time when I had my first son and be the more relaxed mom that I am now. I used to work so hard to keep a consistent nap and feeding schedule for my first son. With my fourth baby, I try my best to be home when I know he needs a nap, but sometimes it doesn’t work out. Some days a car nap is all he might get for the afternoon. He’ll probably be a little fussy, but that’s not a big deal. It means he needs an early bedtime. I’m okay with that. However, I wasn’t like that with my first. It took me a long time to become more relaxed as a mom. Kids Grow and Mature The cool thing about being a mom is watching my kids grow up. One reason why I can do more things now is because my kids can do more for themselves. Sometimes the toddler/preschooler stage can seem to last a long time because some little kids require a lot of attention and help. Imagining yourself with two or three more kids during that intense season can seem crazy. But, before you know it, those preschoolers and toddlers are big kids. Having
Being A Good Friend When You’re Busy
Building good friendships is one of the best uses of our time. While it’s rewarding, it’s also a lot of hard work. I’m a busy person, as I am sure are some of you. None of my closest friendships were formed by chance. They were intentional. As I get older, I have spent time thinking about friendship. It seems daunting to build friendships when I am a busy mom, but being a good friend when you’re busy is still worth the effort. Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about being a caring friend. Sometimes I learn about being a good friend through trials. Other times it’s through periods of ease. I have also spent time observing good examples of friendship. Either way, being a good friend is an important trait to have. The more I learn about being a kind friend, I learn to be more sacrificial, gracious (no friend is perfect), and forgiving. What sort of actions lead to a vibrant friendship, especially if you are busy? I have found a few that seem to work. Call or Check-In on Them Via Text Calling or checking in on someone is how I stay in touch with my sisters and friends. This is usually a back-and-forth thing. I have found this works well when both people are wanting to know how the other person is doing. It’s difficult if it’s one person always reaching out to another person. Because I am busy, I randomly call my sisters or my dear friend Julie when I have time to talk. My hope is that they’ll pick up, but sometimes they’re busy. In return, they also call me at random times. We just take the moments we get. I prefer talking to people on the phone over texting, but not everyone is like that. Texting someone to see how they are doing is another way to keep in touch and keep a friendship growing. It’s not the ideal way to communicate, but if that’s the best way to keep in touch, then it’s worth doing. Remembering Their Birthday It’s not necessary to remember someone’s birthday, but it always feels good when someone does. It’s the little acts of thoughtfulness that build up over time to create a friendship where remembering things like that are normal. Having Your Phone Away When Talking to People I think it’s becoming more popular to always be holding your phone, which makes it very easy to always be looking at something and not really paying attention to the people in front of you. I have tried to have conversations with people when they are on their phones. The conversations tend to be short. I find that if you think someone is important, you should put your phone down and pay attention to them. Honestly, since everyone is made in God’s image, everyone is important. So, when talking to anyone, it’s considerate to look them in the eye and listen instead of constantly checking your phone. Knowing How to Care for a Friend During a Specific Trial With my fourth baby, I found out last minute that some problems were happening, and I had to be induced. A friend sent me a door dash meal since the whole day was a whirlwind of getting chores done before I had to leave for the hospital. She knew exactly what I needed and was there for me. Praying for Your Friends I really do think it’s important for friends to be in prayer for each other. It makes a difference because it strengthens friendships. It’s also good to be honest and say what you need prayer for instead of hiding things. When you know what someone else is going through, you grow in compassion towards that person. Also, you can be a better friend to someone who is truthful about their life. Initiating Get-Togethers I’m always thankful when people reach out to me and initiate get-togethers. Friendship goes both ways. It works best if both people make an effort to deepen their friendship. It will fizzle out of only one person is always doing the initiating, and that can lead to frustration and misunderstanding. A good friendship is mutual with each person purposely working hard to be a good friend. Remembering The Last Conversation Have you ever forgotten what the last thing was you talked about with someone, only to ask it again and feel embarrassed because the last conversation was about something really important? I have, and I always feel terrible when that happens. It means I wasn’t actually listening to that person. How embarrassing! The lesson I learned was pay attention when people talk to you, and remember they conversation. I’m not perfect at this, but asking follow-up questions from a previous conversation shows genuine thoughtfulness and active listening. Sometimes this comes naturally, especially if it’s one of my sisters or a good friend. Other times, I have to remind myself what someone and I last talked about. Then I think of some good questions to ask. Last Thoughts I do think that finding a good friend can be hard. I have had many friends come and go, but I am close to only a few because those friends and I have learned how to invest and care for one another. Building a strong friendship takes years. I know I am busy mom, but carving out time for friends is important. There’s so much to learn about one person. I really like Gandalf said to Frodo in The Lord of the Rings: My dear Frodo. Hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you. Treasure your friends and take the time to really get to know them. Until next time. Carly from DesertHomeschoolDays.com
Memorizing Scripture as a Busy Mom
As a busy mom, I have found it hard to be in the habit of memorizing Scripture. It’s a habit that I would start doing, but then it always fell apart. Usually, I just forgot to do it, or I didn’t know what Bible verse to memorize next. I would tell myself, “I’ll find a verse or passage to memorize tomorrow.” But that never happened. I thought I needed a special notebook, or a nice stack of cards with verses on them. I grew up going to AWANA. If you don’t know what AWANA is, it’s a Bible club for kids. They play games, sing songs, learn Bible stories, and memorize Bible verses. It was popular in the 1990s, and I think it has fizzled out since then. When I was young, my mom would take me and my siblings. We were in the habit of memorizing a couple of verses every week. To this day, I can remember the verses I learned when I was a child. That being said, I liked that memorizing Scripture was a habit for me as a kid, but once I started college and stopped going to AWANA, then I stopped memorizing Scripture. Up until recently, I hadn’t been able to make it a steady habit. However, this past year has been the first year that memorizing Scripture has been a consistent and steady habit. Sometimes the word habit can remind me of boring things like brushing my teeth or taking vitamins, but memorizing Scripture is a rich habit that has changed me. By consistent I mean that it happens five or six days a week or so. Pick a Book of the Bible to Memorize It all started with this great idea of memorizing a book of the Bible. I have had friends in the past who have done this, and it’s something I always admired and wanted to do. I was drawn to memorize a book of the Bible because it would solve the problem of not knowing what verse to memorize. Back in November of 2023, I decided I was going to memorize the book of James. I picked it because it’s small and not very intimidating. I had no idea how long this would take, but I figured that if I spend a few minutes each day memorizing a verse or two, it would all add up. Currently, it’s December 2024, and I just finished memorizing the book of James. It took a whole year, which is longer than I thought. Despite the fact that it took me a year, I was encouraged because if I continue this habit for twenty, thirty, or forty years, then that’s a good chunk of the Bible I will have memorized. Reading and Rereading Scripture What I did each morning was read and reread the verse or verses I was working on. I would say it in my head or out loud several times. Nothing was written down only because I wanted it to be simple. I would also review the preceding verses. What I found was that constant reviewing was necessary. Usually, I spent about three to four minutes a day on memorizing. That’s it. Sometimes I would listen to James read aloud on my phone. I wasn’t very consistent with that, but I would recommend doing it. Use a Bookmark I have bookmarks in my Bible that remind what books to read each day (and Old Testament book, Psalms, Proverbs, and James). As silly as it sounds, placing a bookmark in James has helped me be consistent. If I see it popping out, then I remember to do it. Be Realistic I actually can’t stand up and recite James perfectly. Like I said earlier, I needed to review a lot to keep it all memorized. Once I was done with the last chapter of James, I had forgotten some of the verses in chapter one. After I reviewed them, it quickly came back to me. What helped me not feel defeated about not actually having James all perfectly memorized at once was asking myself what my goal was. My goal was to memorize more Scripture because 1) the Psalm 119:11 says to hide God’s word in our hearts that we might not sin against God, and 2) I wanted to be able think about Scripture during the day. I was still able to do that without being able to recite the whole book straight through. Last Thoughts Memorizing a whole book of the Bible makes sense. You get a better grasp of the flow of the book, the themes, the style, and the sequence of verses. Scripture memorization sounds harder than it actually is. All you need is a bookmark, a couple of minutes each day, and consistency. The hardest part for me was being consistent, but the more I was consistent, the easier it got to grow in consistency. Consistency and routine is something you can grow into and strengthen over time. After I am done reviewing James one last time, I will go on to Ephesians. Who knows, maybe you will memorize a book of the Bible. Also, someday I will go back to James and memorize it again, and I bet it will be a bit easier the second time through.
Playdates with Introverted Children
I have had many playdates that were not enjoyable. Unfortunately, I have been the mom who meets other moms at a park for a playdate only to have my child want to play far away from everyone else, and insist on mom staying close by. Then I get to watch all other moms hang out at the other end of the park. Fun, right? Playdates with introverted children, such as mine are, can be challenging. As a mom, it can feel like you’re doing everything wrong when your shy child refuses to play with other children. What I have learned is that my children, most of whom are introverted, are capable of making friends and playing well with other children, but it takes some thinking and some strategizing to make it happen. Here is what I have learned about having playdates with introverted children. Consistency Find someone who is willing to meet up regularly. I used to do random playdates with friends here and there. My children would kind of remember the other children, but they spent most of time warming up. The next time we saw them, we had to spent the whole time warming up all over again. What I found was consistently meeting with one mom and her kids made a big difference. After a few playdates, the warm up period slowly shortened, and the kids were playing. I like to tell people that I am a crockpot set on low. Sometimes I take a long time to warm up to people, and so do my kids. Everyone I see seems to be an instapot. They just jump right into the fun and have a blast. However, I know there are other crockpots out there. It’s not wrong to have a slow warm up time, but it can confuse others, especially the instapots. They sometimes think something is wrong with you, and they might form an incorrect opinion. Keep it Small (Don’t do a big group playdate) Playdates with introverted children should ideally be small. Don’t invite ten families to your house with their children and expect your introverted child to have a blast. I think our culture values having large groups of friends, but not everyone needs ten good friends. It’s okay to keep your social circle small for the time being. Children grow and change. They won’t always be overwhelmed by lots of kids, but if they are, then start at the beginning – invite one mom and her kids over. What I like is that my children have learned how to play with others by playing well with one other child. I also like that I get to know another mom by spending time talking with her one-on-one. Also, a little side note here, lots of stay-at-home moms would probably like to be invited over to another mom’s house. Sometimes being a mom is a lonely job. A small gesture like that can make someone else very happy. Invite Someone to Your House Personally, I usually choose to not meet at a park unless your child is comfortable with the other child. The reason why is because I have seen my children feel uncomfortable in new environments, such as a park, and then they feel unsure about a new kid they are being told to run around and play with. To a crockpot, that is just ridiculous. I would suggest inviting a mom to your house. An introverted child is more comfortable and will act more like themselves in their home. My best playdates are at my house. I don’t clean my house before other moms come over, although it usually is tidy (I’m German. I can’t help it). I just offer coffee or tea, and we talk. I enjoy the parks too, but I have noticed that my children play and interact more with their friends when they meet at our house. Don’t be embarrassed And if a playdate falls flat, don’t worry about it. It happens. Good friends are a wonderful treasure in this life, but it takes time to build those friendships, especially for those little introverted crockpots. They will make friends. It might take a bit longer than you hoped for. You have to be patient because you can’t hurry growth in children.