Building good friendships is one of the best uses of our time. While it’s rewarding, it’s also a lot of hard work. I’m a busy person, as I am sure are some of you. None of my closest friendships were formed by chance. They were intentional. As I get older, I have spent time thinking about friendship. It seems daunting to build friendships when I am a busy mom, but being a good friend when you’re busy is still worth the effort.
Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about being a caring friend. Sometimes I learn about being a good friend through trials. Other times it’s through periods of ease. I have also spent time observing good examples of friendship. Either way, being a good friend is an important trait to have. The more I learn about being a kind friend, I learn to be more sacrificial, gracious (no friend is perfect), and forgiving.
What sort of actions lead to a vibrant friendship, especially if you are busy? I have found a few that seem to work.
Call or Check-In on Them Via Text
Calling or checking in on someone is how I stay in touch with my sisters and friends. This is usually a back-and-forth thing. I have found this works well when both people are wanting to know how the other person is doing. It’s difficult if it’s one person always reaching out to another person. Because I am busy, I randomly call my sisters or my dear friend Julie when I have time to talk. My hope is that they’ll pick up, but sometimes they’re busy. In return, they also call me at random times. We just take the moments we get.
I prefer talking to people on the phone over texting, but not everyone is like that. Texting someone to see how they are doing is another way to keep in touch and keep a friendship growing. It’s not the ideal way to communicate, but if that’s the best way to keep in touch, then it’s worth doing.
Remembering Their Birthday
It’s not necessary to remember someone’s birthday, but it always feels good when someone does. It’s the little acts of thoughtfulness that build up over time to create a friendship where remembering things like that are normal.
Having Your Phone Away When Talking to People
I think it’s becoming more popular to always be holding your phone, which makes it very easy to always be looking at something and not really paying attention to the people in front of you. I have tried to have conversations with people when they are on their phones. The conversations tend to be short. I find that if you think someone is important, you should put your phone down and pay attention to them. Honestly, since everyone is made in God’s image, everyone is important. So, when talking to anyone, it’s considerate to look them in the eye and listen instead of constantly checking your phone.
Knowing How to Care for a Friend During a Specific Trial
With my fourth baby, I found out last minute that some problems were happening, and I had to be induced. A friend sent me a door dash meal since the whole day was a whirlwind of getting chores done before I had to leave for the hospital. She knew exactly what I needed and was there for me.
Praying for Your Friends
I really do think it’s important for friends to be in prayer for each other. It makes a difference because it strengthens friendships. It’s also good to be honest and say what you need prayer for instead of hiding things. When you know what someone else is going through, you grow in compassion towards that person. Also, you can be a better friend to someone who is truthful about their life.
Initiating Get-Togethers
I’m always thankful when people reach out to me and initiate get-togethers. Friendship goes both ways. It works best if both people make an effort to deepen their friendship. It will fizzle out of only one person is always doing the initiating, and that can lead to frustration and misunderstanding. A good friendship is mutual with each person purposely working hard to be a good friend.
Remembering The Last Conversation
Have you ever forgotten what the last thing was you talked about with someone, only to ask it again and feel embarrassed because the last conversation was about something really important? I have, and I always feel terrible when that happens. It means I wasn’t actually listening to that person. How embarrassing! The lesson I learned was pay attention when people talk to you, and remember they conversation.
I’m not perfect at this, but asking follow-up questions from a previous conversation shows genuine thoughtfulness and active listening. Sometimes this comes naturally, especially if it’s one of my sisters or a good friend. Other times, I have to remind myself what someone and I last talked about. Then I think of some good questions to ask.
Last Thoughts
I do think that finding a good friend can be hard. I have had many friends come and go, but I am close to only a few because those friends and I have learned how to invest and care for one another. Building a strong friendship takes years. I know I am busy mom, but carving out time for friends is important. There’s so much to learn about one person. I really like Gandalf said to Frodo in The Lord of the Rings:
My dear Frodo. Hobbits really are amazing creatures. You can learn all there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you.
Treasure your friends and take the time to really get to know them. Until next time.
Carly from DesertHomeschoolDays.com
