Before I wrote this blog post, I googled “how to help introverted children come out of their shell.” There were some helpful posts, but most were rather vague and not very insightful. I like writing about introverts because homeschooling introverted children is not always the easiest task to do since people like to link an introverted personality as the result of being homeschooled. Over the years, I have tried many things to help my introverted children be comfortable with themselves and come out of their shells.
Hospitality
I will start with what I found to be the most impactful, which is inviting people over to my house. Over the years, we have had lots of friends and family come over for birthday parties, playdates, or for dinner. Having people over to my house helps my introverted children feel more comfortable around different kinds of people. For an introvert, home is where they feel the most at ease. I find that they converse more easily and play well with other children.
These days, it’s normal for friends to come over for dinner maybe once or twice a month, sometimes more depending on whether we are not sick. I like to keep it a regular habit because I want my kids to be used to welcoming people over. It gives them an opportunity to talk to other adults and play with other children. We tend to invite the same people over frequently 1) because we like them and 2) because it gives my children an opportunity to build friendships. We do playdates almost on a weekly basis, and that has been vey helpful for building friendships with lots of one-on-one time.
The Hard Work of Hospitality
One aspect of homeschooling small, introverted children is that the parents may have to work harder at providing opportunities for friendships for their children. That means maybe mom reaches out to another mom to invite her and her children over. Maybe dad invites a family over for dinner. Since large group events are unlikely places for young, quiet children to make friends, taking the extra step to make arrangements for one-on-one playdates or inviting only one person or one family over for dinner can make a difference over a number of years. I do all of this because I know it’s good for my children, and I want them to have those long-lasting friendships.
Yes, it’s hard work to be hospitable. Having a weekly cleaning routine and a nightly cleaning routine helps a lot so that I don’t suddenly feel a ton of pressure to have the house cleaned up and a meal made. The house doesn’t have to be spotless, but rather welcoming and inviting. Even though it’s hard, the friendships are always worth the hard work that goes into inviting someone over. When my kids enjoy playing with other children, that’s fruit from being consistent with welcoming people into our home. Of course, I also benefit because I build strong friendships with other moms!
Patience
Waiting is another thing to do. Some kids just take a long time to come out of their shells, and often times that happens with homeschooled introverts. I was one of them, but I did come out of my shell. Maybe I would have come out of my shell sooner if I had gone to school, but I am close to my family because of all the time I spent with them. I wouldn’t change that at all. I have seen one of my kids slowly feel more comfortable in bigger groups. This has taken a long time, but that’s realistic when I stop and think about how he’s shy and he’s homeschooled. It’s something people can look down on, the shy homeschooled kid, but there’s no reason to do that. Everyone grows and changes at their own speed.
I had a few years when I was young (maybe age 8-12) where I had two friends. That’s it, and I was happy. I made more friends when I was around fourteen or fifteen. I say this to show that sometimes quiet kids are happy with a small world. One or two friends, plus a strong connection with their immediate family, will be enough for them during those younger years. As I grew up, having friends became more important, and friendships happened naturally. All to say is be patient with young, homeschooled introverts. They may surprise you a few years down the road.
Be Realistic
When I say “come out of your shell” I don’t mean expect a shy child to turn a switch and be friendly one day, but rather slowly see the child become more comfortable with him or herself. I want my children to feel comfortable asking questions in a group setting, but I also want them to just be them. They don’t have to be popular or be the center of attention.
Final Thoughts
Creating a home where we can welcome people helps grow introverted children into the best version of themselves. It takes time, practice, and patience. I am encouraged by the Galatians 6:9 – And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. I can see fruit from consistently inviting people over to my house, but it came from years of not giving up. Like reading about homeschooled introverts? Read about starting a playgroup and why homeschooling is great for introverts.
Carly from DesertHomeschoolDays.com
